When the depth of caring I have for those dear to me is as unconditional as possible I will not make unreasonable demands on them nor be disappointed if they act in ways that do not meet my expectations. When my father as a result of illness went from a jovial raconteur to a meek, silent man huddled in a chair, my failed expectations had to be faced. Later I had to come to terms with my mother's diminishment due to age. Yet this is all part of my lessons in love.

Love comes from the heart. Expectations come from the mind and therefore can be more obvious or accessible. Working with my expectations of those I love, whether friends or family has been a lifelong lesson. Whether I expect them to or not, with time, people change. The same is true for me. As I learn and grow I must work with my expectations of myself. I believe I still have plenty of time ahead to make mistakes, yet if I love myself as unconditionally as possible they will be less likely to upset me.

I need not love myself any the less for not being perfect or for not measuring up to my desired standards. Unconditional loving makes life much more pleasant for others and for me. Expectations are a limiting factor. I try to be aware of mine, however, I am far from perfect and still growing. As a wise person once said: "God isn't finished with me yet." However God's love is said to be unconditional and that is a blessing.

As I learn and grow I try to become ever more accepting of the needs of others to be just who they are without having to meet any expectations of mine. I try to keep in mind that not everyone thinks or feels as I do. When I am able to love unconditionally I can agree to disagree with those I love and care for. After all, if God can love me unconditionally, perhaps I can at least make the effort to do the same for those I love and care about, including myself.

© Tasha Halpert
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